Tina you fat lard!

Emperor Snake, Red Tailed Boa, Boa

At my Critter Control Cost office we have a red tailed Boa. When I first started working here she was little, I would say a foot and a half maybe. Now after a year she is at least 4 foot long, if not longer. I named her Tina after my boss dropped two mice in her cage and she wouldn’t eat them.  In an office filled with woman who hate snakes I am the only one who will pick her up. She is mine and I love her. Although the girls have frown quite fond of her and don’t want her to go anywhere they still won’t come near her. She’s such a sweet baby and has never bitten anyone. She does get sassy when you try to put her back in her enclosure, she would rather be out and exploring. She’s the best office pet anyone could ask for.

Weekends are for family!

I have two kids and I do not want anymore. Sometimes I get the baby itch and my husband shoots me down. Sometimes he gets the baby itch and I shoot him down. It’s a good balance, we keep each other in check. My kids are in the prepubescent stage, at 9 and 10 they are no longer little humans but becoming real live people. With their own opinions and attitudes to go along with it. They fight all the time and drive me absolutely insane but I know that this is only for a season. Soon they will be gone, off to college, or married, maybe even profesional Broward Animal Trapping Officers. I know my weekends with them are numbered. I know I need to enjoy this time when we can go to an aquarium or a theme park as a family and they still like us and are excited.

My husband and I decided now that we are a little more comfortable financially we will do every other weekend Saturday trips. We might not be made of money but if you’re not using the money you do have to enjoy your life with your family then what’s the point? We spend 40+ hours a week away from them to pay the bills and make sure they have the essentials, but is that what they are going to remember about you? Mommy and Daddy provided nice clothes and a house? Mommy drove a really nice car? Daddy was always late to dinner?

Kids grow up so fast, I didn’t believe this when they were toddlers but I blinked and my nine year old is wearing bras and shaving her armpits. How long before she doesn’t want to go away on the weekends because she wants to go to the mall with her friends or on a date with a boy? How long before my tender hearted little boy has girls knocking down the door and is consumed with after school sports?

So this weekend, we are driving 4 hours to go to the Aquarium and a beach on the other coast. We’re spending that hard earned cash for some family memories and spending cherished and vanishing time together, before they’re gone.

Family, Children, Woman, Man, Happy

 

 

Anything you can do…

Let’s talk pet peeves. My absolute biggest pet peeve would be peoples need to “one up”. For example, telling your friend you are going to get your haircut and dyed and the next day said friend gets a more expensive haircut and color. Or you say you’re trying to grow out your hair but it grows slow, so friend grows their hair out. I told her to go eat Squirrel Poop! As petty as it is to be annoyed at, if you’ve been in this type of relationship you’d understand. I have had friends like this and it seemed that whatever I was doing they always had to do it bigger and better. I’m told “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery” but for me, it’s just plain annoying!

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Happy Fourth of July

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Independence Day. Probably one of my favorite holidays! Who could hate a whole day dedicated to eating, drinking, and blowing stuff up! Not to mention the whole reason we get to do these things is the whole reason we’re celebrating! Freedom! I am so thankful to live in this country, and I am most thankful for the men and woman who fought to make this country what it is today! Make sure you thank your local Wildlife Control too!

 

You guys are mean

Funny thing happened in my office the other day. I work with all Gen-Xers, and although I am technically a millennial, I do not associate myself with that title nor do I believe it applies to me.  I am 31, born in the middle of the eighties. I grew up in the 90s when technology was just starting to take off. I think I have a great mix of both, but I digress. There is one millennial in my office, Sweet baby at 22 years old. So we were talking about participation awards and how us as parents do not agree with them. Mine and a co-workers kids received them at a recent award ceremony for church and we took them away (yes we’re that mean).  Anyway, back to the funny part. We were gathered for a meeting and I had to run to my car, there in between the seats I found my child’s confiscated participation ribbon. Heading back into the office I hand it to my younger co-worker and said “Here you go, I’m sure you have lots of these!”. At first she was happy until the rest of us busted out laughing, and then in true millennial style she got up and said “You guys are mean, i’m leaving”. I told her she should check out the Office of Compassionate Use…She could use the medicine!

 

Ain’t nobody got time for eyebrows on fleek

 

Women in White and Pink Stripe Scoop Neck Shirt

This years new craze is all about eyebrows. Perfect eyebrows aren’t too thin or too thick, aren’t bushy, are well defined and are colored in with jut the right amount of eyebrow pencil. Really though, who has time for that? Modern women work, have kids, work out, Clean up Raccoon Poop from the attic, volunteer, etc. We’re up and out the door by 7am to get the kids dropped off and be at the office by 8.  I’m lucky if I have time to put on some eyeliner, let alone brush, outline, and fill in my eyebrows.  Ain’t nobody got time for that!

Healthy Eating

Today at work the discussion revolved around food. Cooking it, eating it, was it healthy, are certain foods killing us? As a fat kid at heart, food is life. I am personally addicted to tacos and have no shame. As I am getting older however, foods are starting to not like me as much as I like them. I am starting to realize I may have to cut some stuff out, as well as I read an article that their may actually be Rat Poop in processed food!.

Sugar is my best friend, my husband frequently asks me if I want some coffee with my sugar.  I am not ignorant to the fact that cutting down on this one ingredient could greatly increase my quality of life, but as a normal american with an IDGAF attitude I continue to ignore it. I guess I’ll keep on keeping on in my stubborn ways until i’m forced to stop. ‘Merica!

Happiness Is a Piece of Cake Close Up Photography

I don’t negotiate with terrorists

Back when my kids were toddlers I read a status update on social media that simply said ” I don’t negotiate with terrorists”. Since that day this has been my motto when it comes to parenting. All children are in fact little terrorists, they whine, throw fits, hit, bite, and scream just to get their way.  Before I installed this matter of thinking my house was crazy. My children are only 16 months apart which meant two toddlers. As a young mom, and professional raccoon removal tech, I had no idea what I was doing and I would try everything just to make them stop screaming.

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Now my children are a bit older, approaching the pre-teen stage, and I have my Medical Marijuana Florida Card. All they do is push my buttons to test their limits and argue with each other. With my no negotiation strategy they have learned that no means no and if they argue with me it’s only going to get them grounded in some way.

This tactic does take some time to establish and get use to. Your kids will scream, they will remove themselves from time out, they will fight back as hard as their little selves can. The best thing to remember is that you are the parent. You are in control of the situation, not them. They are a tiny person that completely relies on you to survive, you have all the power. Use it.

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